After six years at my company, 2024 was the year that I took my sabbatical.
I spent three months without work — and without pay. I wrote a small list of habits I wanted to build, and immediately abandoned them. I traveled and I relaxed. I spent time with my friends and family. I tabled at an art market after spending most of the year missing them. I learned a little bit of mandarin, finally. I remembered how to do nothing, and the nothing was good. I even wrote up some dang websites for fun and did advent of code for the first time in four years.
making the leap
Up until that year, taking an unpaid sabbatical was never on my mind. I had recently started living on my own in a rental market that was unfavorable for New Yorkers, and the thought of taking a break when I was already spending most of my monthly earnings… didn’t quite appeal to me.
And yet, I was staring at a long list of travel plans for 2024. I had a cross-country road trip through South Africa on the books for a wedding; friends that wanted to visit someone in Brazil; a trip to Mexico to see type design folks at Letrástica and in Oaxaca; and trips through Sydney and Taiwan to visit my relatives and kickstart my parents’ retirements.
With government’s policies of restricting work outside of the United States, I knew my only option for taking 10 weeks off was to use up my well-earned sabbatical, so I left work behind and turned off my brain for three months.
By the time I actually left for sabbatical in October, I was tired. I had stepped in to lead a second team after they cycled through two separate tech leads, which meant two sets of sprint ceremonies, roadmaps, stakeholders, and engineering teams to keep afloat. The sheer number of meetings I was attending each day, with meetings often staggered on top of one another, was a bit untenable.
I’m often placed into positions where they need someone experienced, versatile, and highly efficient, and as an optimist and a people pleaser, I often say yes.
While I received positive feedback and was able to delegate a lot of the development, planning, and mentorship to others who were eager to step up, I felt that I wasn’t bringing my best foot forward to either team. I needed a reset, and taking time away gave me that space to do so.
being unproductive
I wrote this at the beginning of my sabbatical, and it fits here so here we go:
I’m often asked whether I’ll be in NYC long-term. My answer has been the same in the last year or two: I’ve developed a lot of close friendships and gotten involved with different communities in the last few years, and the more entrenched I get, the harder it is for me to imagine leaving it all behind. I get different perspectives from people living through different versions of life in NYC, and in the days when I start to feel drained, I’ll often talk to someone at what feels like the perfect time. In this case, I was comforted by someone who had spent most of the last year unemployed. Part of their desire to step away from work was to able to sit fully in the idea of being wholly unproductive — to be okay with the idea that, while breaks are often a chance to focus on that one project you’ve always wanted to do, it’s also a license to focus on, well, nothing in particular.
When I wrote this, I also added these two photos. I like to remember these moments, because they were simple moments during a time when I was being fully unproductive.
[Being unproductive] is not a bad thing when you’ve been working for seven years straight. Although I haven’t progressed towards the daily goals I set out for myself so far, I find myself actively appreciating the daily moments that I have without the anxiety of an impending workday. Whether I’m at the library or making bead art in a friend’s living room, my time feels less constrained and my brain is fully present and at peace.
return to normalcy
During the last leg of my sabbatical, I spent a month abroad with my parents and relatives, then immediately flew back and stopped by Broadway to see Maybe Happy Ending before driving to Pennsylvania for a cabin getaway. I stayed after for three days of snowboarding over Christmas. I attended a New Year’s “prom”, and spent a weekend in Long Island for a family wedding.
It wasn’t until then that I really, really missed sitting on my couch watching TV. I missed the ritual of taking the dog to the park. I missed cooking for myself and just being home. And in the last two weeks since I’ve started rolling on my new project at work, my mind has been racing.
All of that means that I’ve been hunkered down recently. I haven’t made efforts to plan any gatherings, meet friends for coffee or a meal, or really even go out to climb rocks, grab a drink, or ride my bike. If I’m invited somewhere, I’ll happily go — but other than that, you’ll find me within the confines of my apartment and the three blocks to the dog park.
My mind, honestly, is a bit toasted. I’ve been reconstructing my apartment layout to prepare for the next six months. I’ve been rebuilding my morning rituals. I have some risograph projects in the works and a few art markets already slated for February. I’m getting used to the sunday scaries again and I’m just figuring out how to work with all these new funny people at work.
but i’m here.
If you haven’t heard from me, don’t take it personally. You’ll see me soon. I love you and I want to see you.
Know that my home renovation is almost done, and I’m settling into work life again. The new co-workers help a lot (I like them.) I’m enjoying my time alone watching Better Call Saul and making little doodles in my sketchbook. I’m not on Hinge.
Give me a week or so, and let’s meet at that cafe you’ve been meaning to go to. We’ll have a lot to talk about.
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